WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.005 --> 00:00:07.470
Oof, feeling emotion for the first time and
not numbing it with anything is an experience

2
00:00:07.500 --> 00:00:14.160
that I'll never forget. Just, I don't want to
say it's scary, but it kind of is, you

3
00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:18.120
know, feeling yourself again, finding
who you are again.

4
00:00:18.840 --> 00:00:20.700
But after you find it, it's it's great.

5
00:00:21.360 --> 00:00:22.710
I think I got lost.

6
00:00:22.740 --> 00:00:24.060
That's how I explain it.

7
00:00:24.180 --> 00:00:27.480
Being in a box and just walking around,

8
00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:33.630
not doing anything, just being stuck somewhere and
not being able to get out, not being

9
00:00:33.630 --> 00:00:38.010
able to communicate, be a mother,
be a friend or be anything

10
00:00:38.010 --> 00:00:39.030
you're just stuck.

11
00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:40.890
That's what it felt like.

12
00:00:40.950 --> 00:00:42.330
But time's still going.

13
00:00:42.510 --> 00:00:43.650
That never stops.

14
00:00:43.740 --> 00:00:46.830
So the world was going on
and I was stuck in time.

15
00:00:47.900 --> 00:00:54.480
It's what it felt like. Even being 13 I
wanted to feel everything and I liked feeling

16
00:00:54.480 --> 00:01:01.530
things that made me feel good, and that was
bad, even at 13 because drugs made me feel

17
00:01:01.530 --> 00:01:03.080
good. They made me feel invincible.

18
00:01:03.090 --> 00:01:06.990
They made me feel pretty,
they made me feel wanted.

19
00:01:07.770 --> 00:01:09.270
And I didn't need anybody else.

20
00:01:09.300 --> 00:01:13.790
I just had drugs and that was fine because
it made me feel everything that I needed to.

21
00:01:14.670 --> 00:01:21.360
When I had my son and he made
me feel like that cause he needed me.

22
00:01:21.360 --> 00:01:28.380
And he filled that void and made me want to be
who I knew I could be, but on drugs, I

23
00:01:28.380 --> 00:01:30.450
couldn't be that 'cause it just had me stuck.